Fine Cuisine from Foreign Places (Part 1)

*Thing they don't really do in Chile
*Thing they don’t really do in Chile

Today, we’re going to take a magical (imaginary) journey to the furthest corner of the world. Oooh, chilly. No, darling, it’s Chile!  But it is freezing here, so it works. We’re in Punta Arenas, Chile in the 12th district, also known as the Magallanic Region.

I know what you’re thinking: “WE PASSED THE WINE REGION! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND!” It’s okay, sweetheart, we have some regional wines like Carmenére that are delicious and $4 a bottle. Also, it’s 2012. They do ship wines.

Man, traveling is awesome. Nothing’s worse than eating Chick-fil-A, Zaxby’s, and Dairy Queen five times a week. Finally, we’re here, far away from American-style foods. We’re experiencing culture! This is how real people eat! These kind folks aren’t rushing from job to job or working 70 hours a week in order to “get ahead” financially. They eat all of their meals together at the table (how quaint!). The only fast food here is at the tiny mall’s food court, and even then it’s mostly ice cream shops. We’re going to come back so thin, you guys!

—-

Meal 1:

  • Un Completo: a hotdog with avocado, onions, and tomatoes. Also called un Italiano, because of the colors.
  • Rice
  • Argentine beer

Thoughts:

  • This is a typical Chilean food. That doesn’t seem right.
  • Maybe they’re trying to acclimate me. Grown-ups don’t eat hot dogs, do they?
  • These hot dogs are not Oscar Meyer’s by a long shot. They’re not even like New York hot dogs. I can’t tell what’s different, but they’re much saltier and almost tangier than their American counterparts.
  • The toppings are nice, though, and I never thought of putting any of them on a hot dog before.
  • B+

Meal 2:

  • Pizzas! One with tomatoes, onions, black olives, and hot peppers, the other with chorizo, beef, hot dog slices, and corn.
  • Corn served with mayonaisse
  • Diet Coke

Thoughts:

  • Man, that’s one gringo-looking pizza. I wonder why we never thought of putting hot dogs on pizza.
  • Oh, THAT’S why.
  • The vegetarian pizza was good.
  • Corn with mayonnaise tastes exactly how you’d expect it to. I think it’s supposed to be like the poor man’s creamed corn.
  • Coca-Cola products here taste exactly the same as they do in the States, which I’ve never experienced before. They’ve always been drastically different.
  • Vegetarian pizza: A- / Hot Dog-Corn Pizza: C-

Meal 3:

  • A stew made with spinach, black beans, pinto beans, shredded chicken, and hot dog pieces.

Thoughts:

  • You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?
  • After picking out las sanchichas: A

—-

Thanks for traveling with me! It was mostly fun. Sorry about the food. Next time, we’ll go to Italy or Peru!

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