Frank on the Gossip Girl season finale.

This show is garbage. And in complete honesty, I haven’t seen the last two or so episodes.

  • Bart Bass is back? I mean, I kind of expected this like at the end of season three, four tops, so when he didn’t come back, I just figured he was actually dead (because I’m a moron because I’ve seen waaaaay too much of this show). And he’s back as a completely horrible person? Which, I mean, he started as a horrible, lack of emotion person whose point was to eventually show the cracks in the armor, but I guess that was during a point when this show was less complete garbage.
  • Lily and Rufus- I can’t. Really. Both of you are awful which is why you’re separating but at the same logic why you are perfect together, so.
  • Blair “chooses” Chuck for no fucking reason (which makes no sense because he sold her for a hotel he sold her for a hotel he sold her for a hotel) about five minutes after being absolutely right about van der Horribleperson (OH, we’ll get there). And the kicker, “You’ve been fighting for me all year,” because, nope, the guy she’s been banging all spring hasn’t been fighting for her, nope. I’m not emotionally invested in Dair, but I am emotionally invested in logic.
  • Nate continues to be pointless and with a cold sore(? that’s lasted five weeks? I’m a straight dude, and all I’m staring at is the lump on his lip).
  • Dan…I don’t even know what to say. He’s probably the most logical person here. You know what? I’m with you and Lola and Ivy. Fuck these guys. Burn this social circle to the ground and salt the earth.
  • Chuck. “It was my empire!” YOU ARE 22, MAYBE. Hey, yeah, maybe your dad was kind of a dick by coming back from the dead and taking away the empire but he is an adult and hasn’t sold a person for a hotel (probably embezzled some money, and maybe some fraud, but not sex trafficking).
  • And finally, Serena van der Horribleperson. Actually, I kind of admire what the writers are doing here (if only they did it to Chuck as well). Because they realized she’s a van der Horribleperson! No, seriously! It’s almost as if they watched Breaking Bad before the season started and wanted to write a complete downward spiral of cuntery and apply it to her! (No, I’m not insane enough to write a Master’s thesis called “Serialized Downward Spiral Characterization: Comparing and Contrasting the Character Development of Walter White and Serena van der Woodsen”) It’s like selling meth for money is fucking Dan for ???? “A girls walks into a bar and sees her boyfriend getting fucked and you think that of me? No! I am the one who fucks your boyfriend!”- Serena van der Horribleperson.

But hey, a shortened final season for the show, so I guess all terrible things come to an end.

And that will bring the total episode count to 122. List of better shows that have (or probably will have) less episode counts (I’m excluding cable networks because I’d be here all day):

Post by Frank

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