My Comatose Social Contingency Plan

A post by Parker recently inspired me to create an action-items list for my social media accounts if I were to become suddenly incapacitated for an extended period of time. So, internet friends, here is what I want to happen if I am incapacitated and my name is printed somewhere that would inspire Google searches.

  1. Lock down my twitter account.
    Make it private. No need to delete my inane posts about stupid things like Smash drinking games, GOP debate drinking games, and awkward party drinking games—just, make them a little less easy to find.
  2. Delete my main Tumblog and redirect that URL to some charity site.
    There are enough links back to my blog to do some good—just not any good for my comatose ass’s reputation.Side note: the #1 post on my blog is a copy and pate job I did in 2008 from the Facebook list of birthdays. Thanks vanity searches!
  3. Point journalists to my LinkedIn and G+ accounts. Those are leastembarrassing.
    Or, point them to my Path account. Basically, I get in trouble when I interact with people. Human interaction brings out the worst in me. These internet waste-lands are either blather about music I listen to and overly filtered photos or blather about the news/TV and comments from Nicki and Ahmaud*.
  4. Go nuclear with my Facebook account.
    I recently reset my Facebook account and it’s already an embarrassing cesspool of Youtube videos and awkward exchanges I thought would be funny at the time.** We would all be better off without Facebook—I just need it to plan trips and events.

*Whenever I read his full name, I get that Mr. Templeton song from 30 Rock stuck in my head.

**Note to self: it’s never funny a week later.

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