Celia Hodes is my hero.

Don’t Drink that Box of Wine By Yourself

Celia Hodes is my hero.
GPOYW

Boxed wines aren’t as terrible as they used to be. Those little cubes from Target are downright grand. That one called “Blackbox” even seems OK. I mean, it’s several gallons of wine for the price of two alright bottles. Surely I’m not going to drink it all by myself. Though, If I drink it all at once, I won’t have to reorganize my fridge to make room for it. Do cats like wine? Would wine kill my cat? She sure seems to want some while I’m drinking it. Why don’t I have any friends? What boxed wine goes best with this new Rilo Kiley album? Where’s my corkscrew? I don’t know and that’s OK because I don’t need one for this box of wine I’m going to buy.

All of that is what goes through my head every time I’m strolling down the wine aisle at the local grocery store corner pharmacy. Every now-and-then it is a thought process that leads me to actually buy the box of wine. Here are some ideas for what to do with the mass amounts of wine you just bought.

Take it out of the box.

That box is embarrassing. You should remove it to be less(ish) conspicuous. The plastic bag on the inside is pretty strong and can handle being shoved in a bag.
“Is that a ziplock bag full of wine?”, they’ll ask.
“NO! It’s my disposable wine cask”, you’ll slur back to them.

Put it in a fashionable bag with a spicket.

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Nothing says “fashion forward alcoholic” like this de-boxed-box-of-wine carrying bag. It’s what you put your boxed wine in to say “I could have afforded good wine, but I chose to buy the cheap stuff and put it in this 60 dollar bag.”

Have a picnic

Invite a friend to lounge in the grass with you while you sip on cheap rosé and pretend that it’s some kind of an herbal iced tea from Starbucks. Did I say picnic? I guess you could have a baguette or something, too. It won’t really matter to you after the first quarter of your wine is gone.

Drunken pasta!

Terrible-to-moderate wine from a box is great for cooking. You can even make a game out of it. For every cup of wine your pasta drinks, you drink a cup!

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