You’re Fired! Losing A Job in the 21st Century

These are a few shorts on losing a job, reactions to that, not taking things seriously, and the like. Some are funny, some aren’t. Hell, some are angry. It’s alright.

The Pity Party

Fiiiiiirrrrred
I would have much rather he had the balls to go all Vinnie Mac on us.

Hand-wringing and pity parties really do characterize all corporate firings. Though, I’m not really talking about those being fired. I’m talking about the people doing the firing.

The CEO of ShopLocal/Poinitroll, Mario Diaz fired me and 15-or-so of my friends and coworkers a few weeks back. He could barely form a sentence and, honestly, was quite luckily none of us were gonna work for him anymore because he presented himself small, fidgety, and lacking confidence in his own decision. He then fielded a few questions to demonstrate how bad he was at corporate double-talk. After that, he left it to the poor HR staff to handle.

Yes, the CEO of this quickly shrinking company took a last-minute flight down after announcing a meeting at 9pm the night before to fire us all 12 hours later. The claim was that he feels obligated to do these things in person. I think this is true based on how he acted. Like a child that you ask to clean the kitchen. “Do I haaaaave to?” “Ugh.” “Fine. I’ll do it, geeeeeeeez”.

He did it precisely in the way of a child being forced by his mother to do something. Not to mention that the company then forgot to deactivate all our email accounts in time for us to not receive the email announcement about it. An email that said the exact opposite of what he told us was the reason we were losing our jobs.

What happened to our bosses? Why didn’t he come in with his head held high to at least make us think he was making a decision he believed in? I would have much rather had him strut in like Vince McMahon circa 1998 and gargle out the words “YOU’RE FIIIIIIRED!” At least it wouldn’t have wasted our time.

Complaining About Too Many Opportunities

I have no idea if it’s OK to complain about having a problem that others would love to have. I get overwhelmed when presented with too many options and that’s what I’m experiencing. I may just go with the first one that looks OK to me and see what happens? This could go terribly wrong.

No.

I’m the first one to admit that I sometimes handle things with humor inappropriately. And, listening to someone post bitterly about being unemployed is annoying. However, maybe check your own privilege before you ask me to check mine.

In response to me pointing out that our former HR person had a link to an article talking about BLiNQ Media’s bright future in her email signature, a former coworker decided it a good time to call me out for not checking my privilege. (The real phrase I used to the HR manager was like “no tea no shade, but that’s a bit offensive”. ) She went on to make several assumptions about me and then talk about how I didn’t have it so back since “a spouse and children at home that counted on your job for income and medical coverage.”

My first reply was “Oh for sure”. Why? Because I agreed, in part, with her—but also because I forgot that Facebook supported gifs. If I had remembered:

eyerollBut, then, a former coworker that I respected decided to praise this unsolicited critique on me. Cool. Neat. I’m glad that you both don’t know what the phrase “no tea, no shade” means and you agree that I couldn’t possibly understand how lucky I am to not be a straight married person with kids.

That’s sweet. Especially since the original comment I made wasn’t even coming for that HR woman. And, doubly because I specifically can’t get married in this state. Not to mention I am financially responsible for several people. They may not have come from me not knowing how to use a condom, but they’re family and I certainly provide for them and love them.

TL;DR? Think before you speak, especially if you’re asking someone else to think before they speak.

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