Film

Nancy Reviews Netflix: Christmas in the City

Christmas in the City

Title: Christmas in the City
Original Network: Lifetime
Premiere: 7 December 2013
Watch it here.

Hey, Cynthia! Break out the Franzia, Netflix just added another batch of CHRIST-mas movies! This one looks really nice. It has that Ashanti in it! I bet she sings real good an nice in it.

Listen, I know your aunt Stacey is all worked up about this whole PureFlix thing, but tell your aunt that I’ll join when they make a movie for more than a 1000 dollar budget and few “special favors” to that guy down on Welker Ave that looks like Jesus.

Based on this cover, it’s about Ashanti as she rules over well-toned Santa-men. I bet there’s a really nice scene where she sings about Christmas and stuff.

Cny! Do we have any popcorn?

Ok, where was I? OH, yeah! Let’s start the movie.

This single mother in a small town candy shop is NOT Ashanti. She looks like an actress that would probably play the co-lead on a TVLand Original Series. Oh, no! Cynthia! She can’t even keep her dead dad’s candy store from closing. She’s a failure!

Ok. OK. Her mom just mentioned that her best friend is in a musical production of A Christmas Carol? Who does that? If her best friend isn’t a muppet, she has NO PLACE in a musical version of A Christmas Carol. WAIT. I bet her musically gifted friend is Ashanti.

The best friend is ALSO not Ashanti.

Ashanti!

I found Ashanti! She’s the bad guy? I bet she changes her ways and still sings in the movie somewhere.

This best friend sings. I was starting to get worried this wasn’t the kind of movie with singing. Thank the Lord, Cynth. I can’t wait for Ashanti to sing.

OH, snap! The white lady who is terrible at business and can’t even keep her dead father’s memory alive is attracted to… wait for it… THE BOSS. Oh SNAP.

More singing.

OK. Ashanti asks the main girl to work late. Then this girl SINGS WITH HER BOSS. And they almost kiss or whatever. Ashanti looks on angrily. I can’t wait for her to show this girl up with her singing.

The main love interests work our blah blah blah she still loses her dead dad’s candy shop blah blah blah. ASHANTI NEVER SINGS.

Best friend: 2 Sings
Main girl: 1.5 Sings
Love interest: .5 Sings
Entire ensemble minus Ashanti: 1 Sing

It was clearly in Ashanti’s contract that she doesn’t sing. I can’t believe this, Cythnia!

I give this movie 0/5 Singing Ashantis.

Merry Christmas,
Nance

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