Impact Wrestling Review for 15 March 2018

I used to love watching Impact Wrestling. The very attractive wrestlers in the X Division didn’t hurt, either. I’m gonna start reviewing their weekly shows here but in the more casual style of someone trying to get back into something they used to love. No star ratings from me.

Feast or Fired is announced as the main event because it’s a Thanksgiving tradition?

They start the “action” with OVE/Sami Callihan and make a big deal out of the Baseball Bat to the face incident from two weeks ago. Then they announce a live Twitch stream from WrestleCon? I don’t get it. But, whatever.

There was a weird sit-down interview with Aries about food. Alberto El Patron tried to make him eat meat. Eh.

Throughout the night, there are frequent segments with Sonjay Dutt and Josh Mathews. They look so close to good that I’m just a little disappointed. The energy of cutting to the announcers at ringside is missing and the pace is off along with the so-close-but-so-far green screen lighting.

The monster Abyss and his master returns. I used to place Father James Mitchell on a similar level as Paul Heyman, but this promo was not quite that. Jimmy Jacobs is a terrible actor and I don’t know how he praised so much.

Rosemary vs Taya Valkyrie. They make me think of what a match with Nia Jax should be like. Not your typical lady wrestler body types but big moves, hard work, and great personalities. In the end, I did notice the Beyonce dan on the ramp and I’m here for it. Taya wins and its the first match result of the night?

I’m not double checking. I’m reviewing it how I watch wrestling and if I can’t remember it 25 minutes later, it didn’t happen.

Side note. The ref tonight is a cute little twink and I’m here for him.

Eli Drake has a backstage segment on a phone, but no one answers. It’s the old peek-a-boo cam style that TNA used a ton from 2011 on. Not a fan.

Matt Sydal is up next. I guess there’s a match. From the recap, I see that he won mot mid-card titles last week. I’m assuming only the X Division will survive.

After a break, we come back to an LAX poker game. Konnan is obviously improving here? It’s a mess with no direction.

Matt Sydal is in the ring. Probably super high because that’s why he isn’t in the WWE right now. He says that he is gonna introduce his spirit guide? Assuming it’s his drug dealer.

Josh Matthews comes out. He is wearing a pea coat vest.

I fast-forward through this because I was gonna give big ups for Mathews returning to play-by-play and not doing terrible heel commentary. Now I’m sad.

Ok. I skipped to the main event. Sonjay Dutt is flying solo. I hope they add a new commentator that isn’t Josh Mathews.

Feast or Fired was a Thanksgiving tradition. Without Dixie Carter screeching and Curry Man dancing, it just isn’t the same. Also, it is March. EC3 is still here, though–a storage Lex Luger-like appearance both here and on NXT this week.

Petey Williams grabs the first case. He was great a Lil Poppa Pimp back in, like, 2009.

Moose grabs the second case. Josh Mathews then returns in my ears and I’m mad about it.

Taiji Ishimori’s lack of clothing piques my interest here as he rips off his shirt. Here is a picture of him from last year (i think):

EC3 gets the case the third and Eli Drake grabs the last case. The show end.

Thoughts Thoughts Thoughts

  • At one point there was a flashback to when Alex Shelly and Chris Sabin were bamboozled out of a Feast or Fired case by Jay Lethal and I shed a single tear.
  • The pacing of this show was terrible. I can’t even imagine if they had another hour to play with.
  • Pop has a few more shows that I thought but clearly doesn’t care about Impact since they aired an old movie after it.
  • Alot of the guys on here look like weird almost copies of old WWF guys.

Moving On?

Yes, I’m sticking with it. I just came back and I’ll give them the flex to assume I wasn’t into a lot of the stuff because I haven’t been watching.

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About Schwegler

As a youthful bachelor, he lives off of white wine and avocados. He's also a freelance web developer. His addiction to pop culture is getting bad.

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