“Days Of Our Lives” Weekly Recap: Horny Melancholy

Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).

This week’s Days Of Our Lives was almost Will-Free (he had a few briefs scenes early in the week), and i’ve learned exclusively that he spent the rest of his time taking a crash course in reporting at the Salem Learning Annex. Sadly, he failed the “Their, They’re,  or There?” quiz, and he completely blew the “Who, What, Where, When, Why” essay by adding “Huh?” and doodling “Will Narita” over and over in the margins.

Ever resourceful, Will did pass the class by agreeing to some “extra credit.”

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“Hey, if Woodward and Bernstein used Deep Throat to get what they needed, so can I!”

Paul didn’t have it much better this week. He shared a few scenes with Will (when Will’s dad Lucas dropped by to tell them that Will’s “feisty” grandma Kate killed Vivian) , and then Lucas hired him to find his Opera Floozy girlfriend Chloe, who suddenly left Salem, abandoning Lucas and their boring-ass rekindled romance.

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“I know that Chloe is in trouble because she didn’t dot her I’s with hearts or call me her snugglebear”

The bulk of this week’s story was the ongoing scamming of Sonny by Leo, which is becoming juicy in a weirdly retro sort of way. Can you take one of the hoariest cliches in soap opera (office sexual blackmail) and make it fresh by adding a gay angle? We’ll see, but so far it’s entertaining, thanks to the commitment of Greg Rikart, who seems to be having a lot of fun with a thinly-drawn character.

If Leo was smart, he would have abandoned Vivian’s plan to have him seduce and extort Sonny once he knew Sonny was smitten. Marrying Sonny would have been a much more lucrative way to have his student loans paid (Let’s call it The Melania Way). Instead, with Vivian now dead, Kate has taken over the puppet master role, and Leo is now stuck with carrying out the extortion plan.

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“And I want to see Proof Of Porking, or i will make certain you’ve deferred your student loan for the last time!”

Can we talk for a minute about Kate? She’s always been one of my favorite characters (I think she knew Will was gay long before he did), even when she’s been given little of substance to do.

But it’s going to be hard for her to come back from her latest scheme, if she actually takes it to the logical conclusion. Taking down rival company Titan by destroying Sonny is a colossal mistake if she wants to continue to be back in the life of her grandson Will. He and Sonny may be divorced, but when Will inevitably regains his memory, this will not work out in Kate’s favor.

But the show must go on for Leo, and when he realizes Sonny is in a particularly sensitive mood (Will had come by to tell him that Gabi would soon be exonerated, and seeing Will always gives Sonny a wave of horny melancholy), Leo makes his move … by hilariously trotting out the ancient “Oh no, i spilled coffee on my shirt so i must strip in front of you” trope.

Just because it’s old doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.

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The scheming continues as Leo pilfers Sonny’s phone in order to send himself naughty texts as Sonny, and then screenshots the HR nightmare as evidence.

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Sonny needs time to reflect on what just happened, so he visits his Guardian ManBun (I’m now about 80% convinced that ManBun is just a figment of Sonny’s imagination and when all this is settled it will be revealed that the real ManBun died when he tripped headfirst into the deep fryer and has been haunting the Pub ever since), who tells him, I shit you not “Beer and bacon can’t be a substitute for what you really want.” Sonny takes this nugget of wisdom to heart.

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Sonny races back to the office and tries to withstand Leo’s advances, but when Leo announces that he’s decided to resign his office position with Titan for a more fulfilling position with Sonny, all bets are off and Sonny finally gives in to his carnal desires.

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Unfortunately, Sonny somehow doesn’t notice the GIANT BLINKING RED LIGHT that’s recording the entire scene.

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Well, i hope it was better than beer and bacon.

In other Salem news, there was lots of blah blah blah about Abigail, Chad, and Stefan (who, as a villain, is a complete wet noodle), and former party girl Theresa is returning thanks to the most important non-recap part of this week’s episodes.

PAUL TELFER IS BACK!

Paul plays Xander Cook, and in case you don’t remember, here’s a quick recap of his most important scenes.

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Sadly, with this show, i fear his storyline will be less “XXX: The Return Of Xander Cook” and more “ZZZ…:The Return Of Xander Cook”.

But my hope is that once Will regains his memory and returns to Sonny (you know it’s going to happen), the show will make my dream come true.

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See you next week!

 

 

 

 

 

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There are 5 comments

  1. Lazycrockett

    I actually hope that this Will never gets his memories back, cause this is the only version of him that I’ve actually enjoyed. I love the WTF is wrong with these people in Salem kinda reminds me of a certain Dr. from Oakdale.

    Also its seems to me they are sniffing around the idea of a Xander/Theresa pairing, which is fine cause I enjoy bother actors.

    The Sonny/Leo thing is just not working for me cause pretty much everyone else who is working at the same company is dropping trou with each other on a regular basis and its not an issue. Plus Leo is way too old to be worried bout his student loans, even though that is bout as close to reality as this show gets.

    Where’s Derrick?????

  2. Sanguinic

    I was shocked to see that Sonny was given an actual (yet super-tacky, in the spirit of DAYS, the Dollar Store of soaps) office, so that he no longer is running the billion-dollar enterprise that is Titan Widgets out of the Horton Town Square, or Club Chloe (or Doug’s Place or whatever that post Sonny’s-old-club space is), or Victor’s living room. God, this show. So glad that Snicks is here to skewer it, and hilariously.

  3. roni1133

    Your recaps make me laugh so hard, snicks. You’re awesome. (See, I would’ve passed the “Your, You’re” quiz at the Salem Learning Annex, unlike our Will.)

  4. octobercountry

    Just out of curiosity, I looked up actor Greg Rikaart (seeing as how I was unfamiliar with his other work), and I was surprised to find that he’s in his forties—I had no idea. So yeah, I guess Leo’s student loans were pretty high, if he’s still working at paying those off…. I wish Xander would be brought back full-time as a villain; he’s fun, and certainly easy on the eyes! I’m fed up with Stefan at this point—he’s one of those Days villains that I find too annoying to watch, and I’ve started fast-forwarding through his scenes.

  5. octobercountry

    Oh, forgot to add—well, at least with Greg Rikaart they’ve added an actual gay actor to play one of the gay roles, so that’s a plus. Still—I TOTALLY think that Sonny should get with Mr ManBun—who is both sympathetic and absolutely gorgeous! Man, what a nice-looking fellow….

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