Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).
Our three boys all had separate storylines this week (with Will involved in Sonny’s mess), and we may be nearing the end of the road for our Special Guest Manwhore, which is a shame, since the thought of Sonny having office sex, leaving permanent stains on the couch and banging Leo on the desk while paper clips, post-its, and rubber bands stick to their entwined sweaty bodies like a giant Gay Katamari Ball was a hoot.
We’ll start with Will, who is still spending his time poring over “Dr. Ralf’s Diary Of Death And Fetish Fantasies Of Susan”. He still can’t figure out why every other page is blank, until he accidentally spills a glass of water, revealing that the empty pages were actually written in … DISAPPEARING INK! That’s right, they’re cribbing from a rejected Hardy Boys manuscript.
But hey, Will cracked the code! He’s a regular Alan Turing! Well, if Alan Turing was a clumsy oaf.
He takes this vital, possibly world-changing evidence to the most logical person, noted scientician Adrienne.
Will explains that maybe this discovery will somehow lead to regaining his lost memories. Adrienne is all for it, telling Will “If you could remember the people who love you, it would be wonderful.” Will reminds her that he’s with Paul now, and they’re happy. A misty Adrienne waxes poetic about “the life he had with Sonny,” and how they were so perfect together.
Will also has to say goodbye to Paul, who’s embarking on a super secret mission to save Chloe. They have a very tense conversation about the dangers of Paul’s job (Will is now the Marlena to Paul’s John), and when Paul says he doesn’t understand why Will’s getting so worked up, Will tells him “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you!”
Paul heads down to Mexico with John to rescue Chloe, and the two of them use their finally honed detective skills to intuit that … something is wrong.
Unfortunately, Theresa calls big baddie Matteo and gives him a heads up, and John and Paul find themselves in big trouble.
Meanwhile, Sonny is walking on air, convinced that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with Leo, a man he knows LITERALLY NOTHING about. Leo promised to resign BEFORE they polished Sonny’s desk, so everything is on the up and up. He promised!
Leo is ready to spring his trap, and visits Kate one more time to bask in her fanguorous (fabulous + languorous) glow. The plan is foolproof , and when Leo sells his story to the highest bidder, and receives a settlement from Titan, he’ll be set for life … there’s just the little matter of the bonus that Kate promised.
Kate tells him he’ll have to wait a bit for it, but when she takes over Titan, he’ll have more than enough to cover his school loans.
Will sees Leo in town square, and attempts to play nice, but Leo brusquely asks him if he wants the scoop of the century … that he’s suing Sonny for sexual harassment. Will goes off on him, calling him greedy and opportunistic, and tells him “Sonny is one of the most honorable people I know, and sure I left him because I found Paul hotter, but that’s not important right now.”
Sonny is still thinking about all the ways he and Leo defiled the copy machine, when a registered letter comes … from Leo! But it’s not the resignation letter that Sonny expected, it’s Leo’s lawsuit. Adrienne immediately Adriennesplains that Leo has been conning Sonny from the very beginning, but Sonny insists it must be some kind of misunderstanding. Justin tells him that the lawsuit is very real, and it says that Leo has proof of the harassment.
Sonny is dumbfounded and devastated. As much grief as i’ve given Sonny for his radical personality shifts, he doesn’t deserve this kind of indignity, and he races to town square to confront Leo.
That’s when Leo goes full tilt, and actually accuses Sonny of forcing him to have sex (obviously, the heavily edited video will somehow back that up). Sonny is aghast, telling him that the sex they had was consensual, and as far as harassment, Leo had already resigned. Leo tells him “Do you have a letter of resignation?”
Sonny finally realizes he’s been played this whole time, and lets loose. “I never really knew you, did I? You’re a manipulative little sociopath. Well guess what? You don’t know me, either. I’m a Kiriakis, and you won’t get away with this.”
In other Salem news, thank god for Hot Sleazoid Psycho Xander. He’s returned, and made everyone’s life a living hell, gloriously. And shirtlessly.
He overhears Adrienne and Justin talking about Sonny’s case, and peeks his head in to gleefully add his two cents. “Sexual harassment? Sonny? Well it’s good to know it’s not just for heteros anymore. I’m for equal rights.”
He’s like a heaving hunk of fresh air, and i really hope the show finds some way to keep him on this time. And I need him to wander around Salem, shirtless, injecting himself into random conversations.
Another welcome return is D.A. Melinda Trask, who absolutely loathes all of these privileged assholes, and is always dripping with hilarious contempt for them. I LOVE HER.
In a meeting i’ve been waiting for, Will finally runs into cutie pie Tripp. I know they must be related somehow, but thinking about this show’s lineage gives me a massive headache, so I just don’t care anymore. They have a conversation about what a lush Kate is, and then Tripp asks Will why Ciara is hesitant to put out. Will tells him that Ciara seems like a nice person, but he doesn’t know any details about her because “I have a severe memory problem,” which i’m definitely going to use next time i’m in an awkward conversation. And if PaulSon or WilSon doesn’t work, I’m calling #Trill (Or #Wipp).
Finally, with Theresa back, it sets up a unique triangle. Jen Lilley (Theresa) is 33, Eric Marsolf (Brady) is 46 (but his character is about 10 years younger) and the fabulous Kassie DePaiva is 57. How refreshing would it be for Brady to actually choose an older woman. It’s something that rarely happens (unless it’s a gigolo situation), and I am all for it.
Hey Days fans, we’re starting a new trivia game this week. Take your best shot, and the winner will be announced next week. Good luck!
Ready! … NAME THAT TUSH!
See you next week!