Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).
We’re inching closer to Will regaining his memory, so the three factions of DAYS, #WilSon, #PaulSon, and #Horita will soon by engaged in the War To End All Wars on Twitter.
Sadly, my two factions, #Prick (Paul & Derrick) and #PaulAndANewCharacterHopefullyPlayedByAnotherEasilyGoogableUnderwearModel are probably out of the running, which means I’m going to HAVE to align myself with someone eventually.
In the meantime, our guys are still spinning wildly through each other’s orbits, with Sonny in some deep shit, and Will trying to talk him down in his sweet Aw Shucks way.
Sonny is devastated by Leo’s betrayal, and here’s the kicker … he has to tell Victor. His uncle is livid, and worse, deeply disappointed. He not only fires Sonny from Titan, he tells him “You just negotiated the most complex merger in Titan’s history, and then you turn around and let yourself get screwed … literally.” Don’t ever change, you old bastard.
A broken Sonny heads to Will’s …room? (more on that later), where there is finally some good news … Gabi is coming home (Ha! But actually not).
The guys tell Ari together, and she celebrates by turning Sonny into a creepy bunny (after previously transforming Will into some dog hybrid and Lucas into some kind of cat thing. I think Ari got a hold of one of Dr. Rolf’s other diaries and is creating her own Island Of Dr. Moreau menagerie of family members. )
Will asks Lucas to take Ari “to the kitchen for some ice cream.” Okay, just where in the hell is Will living? I thought he was renting a room in a hotel from his cousin or something, and it was just … a bedroom.
But he and everyone else in the hotel have easy access to the kitchen at all hours? Does he have his own section of the freezer? Did he have to label the ice cream “Property of Will Horton?” I need these answers.
While Lucas and Ari are running through the empty halls of the hotel, The Shining style, Sonny sits down with Will and tells him about Victor, and being fired, and feeling like a loser for being tricked by Leo. I would have forgiven this show FOR EVERYTHING if Will had turned to Sonny and said “Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids!”
As much as this conversation is sweet and warm, and reminds us why Will and Sonny made such a great couple eons ago (especially when Will casually puts his paw on Sonny’s paw), it’s hard to concentrate on anything other than their animal appropriation.
Sonny is taken aback by Will’s tenderness, which it makes it even harder when Will gets a call from Paul, telling him that they rescued Chloe and are on the way home. Poor Sonny now has to leave knowing that Will and Paul will soon have hot sex, while the only head Bunny Sonny will be getting … is lettuce.
Paul did manage to survive his hysterically inept hostage rescue. Before he and John got to the Mexican hideout, Theresa called Big Baddie Matteo and tipped him off, so he and his henchmen were waiting to ambush them. But just as Matteo was about to shoot Paul, Chloe killed him, and John and Paul were able to take down the henchman.
Arriving home, Paul was horny to see Will, and let it be known with a series of subtle visual clues.
But the afterglow is short lived when Will tells him that he’s decided to go ahead and use Dr. Rolf’s research to find a cure for his memory loss.
Paul hems and haws and throws every excuse he can at Will why should he reconsider, but it’s clear that Paul is afraid that if Will remembers his past, it’ll mean the end of Horita.
Will assures him that nothing can ever change how he feels about him. Not even Sweeps month. Ugh. Paul is so going to be hurt soon. He’s too a good person to be ruined by these inbred hillbillies, and hes hould just escape while he can.
In other Salem news, Xander is still snarkily butting into everyone’s life, and he’s wearing the SAME OUTFIT he’s worn for the last week.
The most ridiculous part of this week’s episodes was Gabi’s Saga, which saw Ari’s mother exonerated for one murder and IMMEDIATELY implicated in another. Death follows her so much she should be nicknamed Typhoid Gabi … or Jessica Fletcher.
Finally, we learned that psycho killer Ben is returning to the show (seriously returning, as actor Robert Scott Wilson is now on contract). On the one hand, having a “newly sane” Ben back on to redeem himself is ridiculous (he viciously and vividly strangled four people), but the way he was staring at Will’s picture is creepy, disturbing, and intriguing.
Does he want to make amends for killing Will? Will he be instrumental in Will’s memory recovery? Or is it something else? Will we have to start using #Bill?
Sadly, no one guessed that last week’s trivia pic was none other than Nick Fallon himself, Blake Berris!
Okay, here’s this week’s DAYS trivia pic.
Ready. Name that tush!
See you next week!