Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).
So … Justin is a shitty lawyer.
A shitty, shitty, lawyer.
We’ve always kind of known that because of the many times he’s, you know, lost cases, sending people to prison and ruining lives.
But his Lionel Hutz level of incompetence was on full display this week as he tried to counsel Sonny on the sexual harassment lawsuit slapping them in the face.
You’d think that Justin would have put a little more thought into the first meeting with Leo and his shark lawyer. Maybe hold it someplace intimidating or scary, like a harshly lit boardroom, or Xander’s thighs.
So what venue does Justin choose to show that they mean business? … The cafe at Town Square. Because nothing says “threatening” like the aroma of bacon cheeseburgers and Axe Body Spray.
To make matters worse, Leo’s sleazy lawyer Ted is played by Gilles Marini (Sex & The City, Brothers & Sisters, Dancing With The Stars), so this ain’t no day player.
I have to give it to Kate, she may dress like a drunk 10-year-old rifling through the Goodwill rejection box, but she knows how to pick ’em. Turns out that Ted is just as morally corrupt as she is, and is aware that Leo’s lawsuit is a sham set-up, but is willing to play along for the payout (aka The Rudy Giuliani Effect).
As for Leo, he just looks like he wants this over as quickly as possible, and avoids looking Sonny in the eye, which means he may actually have a conscience somewhere. But I’m not sure about the strategy of dressing like the Eggplant Emoji.
Sonny, Justin, Leo and Ted assemble at Town Square (sigh) for their multi-million dollar meeting, and as expected, Justin fumbles and stumbles his way through, letting Ted explode bomb after bomb, limply questioning the “evidence” that Leo presents.
At one point, Sonny mentions that he saw Leo’s profile on the dating app, and Leo insists that he’s never had a dating profile anywhere. Sonny check his phone and discovers that Leo’s profile has been deleted. Okay … even though it was deleted, i’m sure the app has some evidence that it once existed, but Justin doesn’t question it.
Justin gives up and tells Ted to make an offer for a settlement, but scoffs at the amount that Ted writes down (we don’t see what was offered, but i’m pretty sure I saw “And Sonny’s Chili’s gift card”).
Leo once again accuses Sonny of forcing him to have sex, and Sonny snaps, telling him that what he’s doing is a mockery of real victims of sexual harassment. Before Justin can stop him, Sonny lunges at Leo, further digging his grave.
Leo and Ted leave, and Justin tells Sonny “It doesn’t look good. If this goes to a jury, you might be out that gift card.”
Ted reports the success to Kate, and then makes it clear he’d like to collaborate on more than the case. Careful buddy …Samantha Jones may have been a maneater, but at least she hasn’t left dead bodies in her wake.
Meanwhile, Ben has been released from the nuthouse, having been declared officially uninsane and ready to re-integrate back into society. Seriously.
I think it’s probably protocol to let victims of psycho serial killers know they’re about to be released (especially if they’ve actually killed you once), but Marlena LEAVES A VOICE MAIL for Will letting him know that Ben is on the loose. It’s too late though, as Will is too busy trying to remember how to get dressed to check his phone.
There’s a knock on the door, and Will comes face to face with the man who twice tried to throttle the life out of him.
Will is understandably flummoxed (and there’s nothing hotter than a flummoxed Will), and is ready to freak out when Ben explains that he’s been legitimately released, and is there to make amends for what he did. His redemption tour gets off to an unintentionally hilarious start though, when he tells Will “My doctors say i’m of sound mind. Sounder than yours, actually.” Snork!
Before things get too awkward, Chad arrives and orders Ben to leave town, or he’ll see to it that no one in Salem hires him or lets him rent a room. Ben refuses to leave until Will forgives him, so Will says “fine, whatevs” and shakes his hand. Am I the only one that felt sparks?
Later, Will tells Marlena that he’s decided to go ahead with trying to get Dr. Rolf’s Amnesia Reversal Potion. He knows it’ll be risky, but right now “I’m only living half a life.” Oh Will, you eternal optimist.
In other Salem news …. um … well, this week there were only three episodes (and the guys were in only two) because of the French Open, so here’s finalist Rafael Nadal eating a banana.
And the other men’s finalist, cutie pie Dominic Thiem. Go Dom!
Congratulations to Richard, who correctly identified last week’s tush as Paul Telfer!
Here’s this week’s quiz. Name That Tush!
See you next week!