Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special guest manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).
Urban Dictionary defines “undecent” as:
Not Decent. Raunchy. Of a lower level than someone who is elite. #crap
See also …
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves …
This week began with a familiar sight, Sonny in distress, in what can only be described as “Full Body Gnashing.”
Sonny is upset that his dad offered Leo a settlement without telling him. To Sonny, a settlement means admitting guilt, and he’s not about to let Leo win. Justin explains that it was Victor’s idea, and besides, it didn’t work. Leo turned it down.
Sonny has had it up to here with this harassment bullshit. Titan’s stock is cratering, he’s been demonized, and worst of all, his credit card was declined when he tried to get his usual lap dance at Salem’s only medieval themed steak house/male strip club, Sir Loin.
Thankfully, he uses that noggin and comes up with a brilliant idea. He’ll ask Leo to come to a private meeting and … get this … secretly record … Leo confessing to lying about the harassment. It should be easy considering Leo’s birth date is 00/00/Yesterday.
Sonny arranges the meeting, which is held in the park outside Town Square, better known as the place where every single clandestine meeting, shady deal, botched proposal, crying soliloquy, angry threat, and anonymous murder takes place.
Sonny’s plan doesn’t quite work out, as he forgets that the first rule of recording a confession is DON’T LET THE TARGET SEE YOU TURN THE RECORDING ON.
Sonny tries his best to seduce a confession out of Leo, but he finds his technique just isn’t the same without a pleather couch, scotchguarded office desk, and three hole punch (don’t ask).
Leo humors him, and eventually confesses … that he knows Sonny is playing him, and finds his phone, which is on “record.”
Sonny is all “Curses!”, but the smug and punchable Leo is about to have his world shattered (you’ll notice I said “shattered” and not “end” because … well, never mind), because Kate has decided to end the harassment suit.
Wait … what? Yep, Kate (who is still dressed in the drapes she bought at a bordello estate sale) is careening all over the emotional landscape. First, she slaps Gilles Marini (I know his character’s name is Ted, but let’s face it, he’s … Gilles Marini), and at least when Samantha Jones slapped him, it involved a different cheek than this sad display.
She tells Leo that now that she has an in at Titan, she doesn’t need his services anymore, and would he kindly sign the settlement and then fuck off, thank you. Only she was more brusque.
Leo is dumbstruck. The settlement is a mere pittance of what he was hoping to get, and in his frustration decides to threaten to expose Kate for her role in the plan. Kate tells him that if the plan is revealed, it will be him who is charged with extortion, so he better hightail it while he has the chance.
A panicked Leo contacts Sonny to arrange another meeting.
A dubious Sonny agrees to the meeting, but insists on a mutual pat down for recording devices (in a scene that was funny and curiously, hotter than their official sex scene).
Leo spills the beans and admits that the lawsuit was phony from the very beginning, orchestrated by Vivian, and when she died, continued by … another benefactor. Sonny insists on knowing who is pulling the strings, but Leo deflects, and tells Sonny that he’s willing to drop the suit, on one little condition.
“Marry me. Today.”
The look on Sonny’s face says it all, but of course, there’s no way in hell a soap today would have the balls to see this potentially dynamite story line through to a satisfying conclusion. A marriage based on blackmail, avarice, and occasional hate sex is soap opera gold, but this show would rather blow its payload early.
Meanwhile … Will is ready to shoot-up again in this scene from Will Horton: Portrait Of An Annoying Amnesiac.
Before he can inject a dose, Paul knocks on the door (aren’t they basically living together? But Paul still has to knock?), and Will hides the evidence (literally evidence, since he stole it).
Paul wants to know why it took so long for him to answer the door, and instead of saying something sensible, like “I have explosive diarrhea,” or “Sorry, I was rubbing one out without you,” he makes up a lame excuse that he was doing reporter stuff. Paul naturally see right through it, and Will ends up confessing that he experienced a memory … about Sonny.
Paul wants to know why he didn’t mention it earlier, and Will tells him that was afraid of sharing it because Paul is all up in his feelings about the returning memories.
Paul insists that he wants Will to get all his memories back, because once he does, he’s confident that Will is going to choose him over Sonny, even with memories like this.
Will is glad that Paul feels that way, because he stole more of the serum, and he’s going to take another dose. Paul is livid, but Will assures him that no one found out, because “I replaced the liquid”. Um … with what exactly?
Paul is afraid that more of the serum might kill Will (but he’s obviously afraid of the serum actually working), but Will tells him “I’m taking the serum. You can either stay and watch or leave the room.” Between Marlena and Paul, Will is getting pretty damn bossy. Paul relents, and offers to inject Will.
The next morning, after some light bondage …
Paul wants to know if Will is feeling any different, but Will tells him he hasn’t experienced any other flashbacks … until … Paul tells him for allegedly the first time (though i’m pretty sure i’ve heard him say it before) “I love you.” That prompts a memory of Sonny (who looks like he’s wearing the same black tank top that Will is wearing ) also saying those three little words.
He tells Paul, who grits his teeth and tells Will to keep doing everything he can to trigger more memories. Will tells him “Or, we can go to the lake and try to make new memories.” Yes, because going to the lake will not trigger anything.
Paul almost snarkily says “Or i can tell you I love you again. That seems to be a trigger.” He gets out of bed and Will grabs him, prompting another flashback to Will grabbing Sonny in bed, and telling Sonny “I love you too.”
Will tells Paul what happened, and Paul finally flips, telling him “I made you a promise, that if you remembered that Sonny was the man that you loved, that i’d step aside, so I wish you both the best of luck.” Will counters Paul’s meltdown with a kiss, assuring him that no memories he regains could keep him from loving him. “What I feel now, in this moment, is that I love you.”
They hit the sheets again, but Paul gets a call from his dad, who tells him he finally has dirt on Leo. Oh, I have a feeling that soon there will be a lot of … dirt on Leo.
In other Salem news ….
No one except our guys got shirtless.
Tate finally escaped his bathroom hellhole. The poor kid goes from an opulent mansion to living underneath the bathroom sink in a hotel room. At least he made some new friends, Mr. Toilet Brush and Mr. Roach Trap.
No one guessed that last week’s pic was Eric Martsolf.
Thanks for joining me! See you next week.