Welcome to our weekly recap of Days Of Our Lives, the story of three gay men, a special PRESUMED DEAD BUT NOW MISSING AND IS PROBABLY MORE RIPE THAN THE STINKIEST CHEESE IN TED’S FRENCH CHATEAU manwhore, and the inconsequential straight people who bug the shit out of them (and us).
Yes, it was another scintillating week, with the guys having maybe ten minutes of total screen time. And about half of that was recapping what happened last week, with Ted interrupting Will and Sonny as they were discussing receiving another threatening note.
Ted reveals that HE is the one who been has sending the notes, and he knows that Leo is dead, and that Will and Sonny are responsible, and that Will has been smuggling ferrets in his pants.
They all agree that Town Square is too public a place to discuss this, so they head to THAT PARK. The guys protest that they’re innocent, but Ted has (apparently) all the proof he needs. He had one of his associates follow Leo to the mansion, but Leo never re-emerged, and Will and Sonny were seen driving Leo’s car away.
Ted found the car and Leo, and surmises that Sonny invited Leo over, smashed him over the head, and the two of them “wrapped him in the carpet like a burrito.”
Well damn, now I want a burrito. A big beef burrito with extra sour cream, hold the Leo.
So what does Ted want to keep his silence? Surprise, surprise, the greedy lawyer wants cash. A lot of it. Eight figures.
This is do disappointing … so … mundane … uninspired.
Dull Doctor Kayla was forced to spy on Kate in order to get Stefan’s help. THAT was more exciting than this blackmail. Eve is going to have to be under Victor’s command to keep him from revealing her secret to Brady. THAT is sure to be more fun to watch than this blackmail.
I’m hoping that before he reaps his windfall, Ted will toy with the boys a little. Maybe make Will walk through Town Square in a red wig and jockstrap while singing “Sugar Sugar” or making Sonny contact Brian and tell him what a huge fucking mistake he made by not going all the way with him when he had the chance.
Sonny was on briefly later in the week to once again have an intensely homoerotic encounter with Bruh Chad.
ELSEWHERE IN SALEM:
While Gabi takes another hilarious step into “Hand That Rocks The Cradle” psychosis …
Poor little Ari just couldn’t maintain her war of wills with her older and more experienced nutjob mother. She finally gives in and stops the silent treatment, but i’m praying that Ari is just biding her time until the opportunity presents itself.
John and Marlena’s wedding is about to start, which will mean the return of some classic faves, including Sami. I can’t wait for Samizilla to burn this this whole town down.
In sad news, it has been officially reported that Billy Flynn will be exiting the role of Chad. Sorry to see him go, but maybe now he can move back into … more challenging roles.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!