Politics

Tucker “The Tuck” Carlson Is and Always Has Been a Cunt

Blind loyalty to the NBC brand leads me to watch more Tucker Carlson than I’m proud to admit at a young age. Back when he was paired with Willie Geist. Back when he seemed like less of a relic of a bygone time.

He liked to crack wise like a frat boy who’s a bit too drunk and thinks he can match wits with Trey Parker and Matt Stone in 2006. He’s the sort of conservative who just doesn’t understand why gamergate was such a big deal. The kind of feckless cunt that deserves to be shot on by Jim Cornette.

We all know that Tuck gets off on the outrage from the left form that ridiculous bullshit that spews from all his various orifices on a nightly basis. Yet, as soon as tables are turned and an attack on him gets a little personal, far reaching, or just from a little too far back into his sorry excuse for a life than he’s comfortable with, he—along with all the other sensitive troll-boys on the right—he can’t help but cry.

Tuck, you’ve always been this way, Tuck. You just hate it that while you pretend to play “big news-man”, you’re stuck with a long and public past of cracking wise about women’s looks or saying faggot, right Tuck? And, listen, Tuck, I know that it’s odd to pretend that just because we have tape to roll on you saying “faggot” this time the things you’ve said on air recently aren’t just as terrible.

You think you’re funny. you’re feeling your oats. You’re “feeling like pussy, feeling like cunt. Take you to the back and [you’ll] show [us[ the front.” You’re riding high because Fox News is usually on top in the ratings (even though less so than a few years ago… thanks Rachel!)

I mean, at least you didn’t simply morph into a Trumpian sycophant, Tucker. You’ve always been that way. You used to joke around with Willie Geist about how much you both loved Trump. You’ve been eating Trump’s ass out for years. You think you’re opulent, but really, you just look like a motherfucking Dorito, bish.

They should go ahead and rename The Tuck Zone or whatever it’s fucking called to “Say Duck Hunt Fast.” Because, you are and have always been a cunt, Tuck. If people are just realizing that now, I guess they didn’t watch CNN or MSNBC in the mid-00s.

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