A year ago a went from living part time in Atlanta and part time with my parents to living full time with my parents. My social life took a hit because how do friends work? But that is for a later post. This post is one of those sad ones that hurts to type out.
I have failed. And, I have to be ok with failing. Part of my failure is that losing my job caused the household income to drop by more than half. But instead of using my extra time to help out more, I fell into a depression I’m still struggling with.
I can’t help but think that I could have done something to keep my mother out of the hospital this last time.
Here’s a hospital street cat before I get anymore depressing:
My mom and I recently spent a long time in the hospital. She also hates when I take picture of her because she lacks a thyroid and, thusly, doesn’t really have a metabolism.
So, I added some stickers on the photos and added some pictures of cats–both ours and some of the street cats around the hospital–because everyone loves cats.
Also, there is a colony of kittens around the hospital. But, that’s a different story.
The important part is that my mom actually spent much of her life caring for other people. As a YMCA director, as the campaign manager for our little cousin with terminal leukemia, and even yesterday as she demanded I go donate clothes to Goodwill.
You know that episode of Roseanne? The one before the show gets crazy? The one where Dan has a heart attack at Darlene’s wedding?
That’s what I always pictured when a matriarch or patriarch takes a fall from health. The family gathering around in the waiting room hoping for the best kind of result.
And, in a way, that’s how it was when my mother had a heart attack an hour after I got home from the last day of my junior year of high school. She had a minor heart attack followed by an induced one at the hospital. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Life went on. We moved to a house with a pool. Times seemed good. Continue reading Living in a hospital. And being a guilty caregiver.→