Tag Archives: tumblr

Free Speech on Private Networks

IMG_20171109_223514.jpg

I joined Twitter in 2007. I come in with a Twitter ID below the 1 millionth user mark (678,213 to be precise). This doesn’t make me any better or worse at using the platform. In fact, I haven’t changed how I use it at all in the last decade (a reason why I don’t have much of a following). I still post whatever drivel comes to mind, like this picture my niece drew. Poorly thought jokes about politics or whatever in on my TV at the moment or (because I love cliches) what I’m currently eating fill my feed. Twitter, however, has changed around me.

The introduced native linking to other profiles via the “@” sign. They introduce native retweeting so that we no longer had to wrap them with “RT @_____ ‘’.” Hashtag linking. Discussion threads. Native photo uploading. Native search. GIF searching and posting. Character limit increases throughout. All of these things layered on to the simple idea of microblogging.

Continue reading Free Speech on Private Networks

All the Tumblr feels and/or nudes/pizza.

The following is what happened in my brain while browsing Tumblr this afternoon.

Let Me Take A SelfieWho’s this? This person with the humps on his stomach where my stretch marks and belly are? What are these things? I’ve not seen these things before, but I have a strange urge to touch them.

Huh. Maybe I should start working out. Maybe I should at least shower. I haven’t showered in a while.

Nah, I smell alright. 

Oh, look, an ad for Pizza Hut. Those new crusts sure looks good—or gross… I’m really not sure. Nah, I’m gonna go eat a salad. I should lose some weight. I mean, I did have yogurt for breakfast and went on a walk today.

What’s MyFitnessPal say? Oh, that walk only bought me an extra 140 calories? What even is this shit? Fuck it.

I’m ordering pizza. If I get too fat, I’ll qualify for a gastric sleeve, right? Then I can get late-in-life-Al-Roker skinny. This girl at work is doing that Optifast thing Oprah did. I wonder…. Well, I already have this PizzaHut.com tab open. There really isn’t any going back. 

Love

Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Don’t forget me, I beg, I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

I’m singing this to the pizza. It’s setting on the table by my laptop as I type this. Don’t think this was all for laughs. This is based on a true story. Heavily based on a true story. Or, rather, happened a few hours ago.

Young Avengers

I mean, look at those freaking teenage super heroes. Every single one of them is incredibly attractive. And, in that ideal-body-type-kid-of-a-way. Oh, all those Young Avengers feels. But, that’s a story for a different day. I’m going to go back to shame-eating this pizza while my cat looks on and judges me.

A Guide to Hangovers

"The Hangover" (Portrait of Suzanne ...
“The Hangover” (Portrait of Suzanne Valadon)

The best approach to ridding yourself of a hangover is certainly to not get one. You can accomplish this with a few pro-tips:

  1. Eat healthy foods before you begin drinking.
  2. Do the usual dance of alternating drinks with water. Order a water with every drink and don’t get another drink until the water is gone.
  3. Before you go to bed, take a time-release B-Complex supplement.

If you forgot to do those things, you might wake up feeling rough. It’s cool, though, because I have you covered on this end of the hangover too.

  1. As soon as you can eat something, eat something.
  2. Take your favorite pain reliever cocktail. I prefer Advil Cold and Sinus, because my main problem is that my allergies have decided to attack my now-dried up sinus cavities.
  3. Remember those time release B vitamins? Take them again right now.
  4. Drink a ton of water. Coconut water is nice, too.
  5. Speaking of water, you smell terrible. I would suggest you take a shower.
  6. Get your intestines situated by either eating some yogurt, drinking some kombucha, or taking some pro-biotic supplements.
  7. Memories will start to come back of the previous night. You’ll want to take care of this by drinking a little bit more booze. My favorite hangover drink is the classic Bloody Mary. It really helps easing the withdrawal symptoms you’re forcing your body through since you forgot to take it slow last night.
  8. By this point, you’ve probably been awake for 2-3 hours. Take a nap, you sort-of deserve it.
  9. Hopefully, the food, probiotics, and time have helped. This will lead to the final phase of any hangover: Hangover Poop. It’s the worst smelling poop—but, it marks the end of your body’s fight to rid itself of all that poison you shoved in it.

If you still have a hangover, only time will heal it. Place a trashcan next to your bed, open your laptop to Netflix, and cancel all of your appointments.

Happy drinking!