Asides

Susan, Where Are My Keys

Susan, where are my keys?

Susan, I can’t find my keys. I placed them on the table by the door last night, but they are nowhere to be found.

Susan, I’m out of vodka again. I need my keys.

Susan, I found our copy of Alicia Keyes’ debut album–but, I cannot find my keys.

Susan, this martini isn’t dry enough.

Susan, I found your Alan Keyes bumper sticker and have a lot of questions. I still can’t find my keys.

Susan, I found the answer key to a 10th-grade maths exam. It will not start my car.

Susan, I’m beginning to think you hid my keys. Give them to me.

Susan, I want a divorce.